I was infamously able to keep my cool when another drag queen flipped her wig on me duringRuPaul’s Drag Race, and I attribute that to thinking twice and speaking once (and knowing where the camera is before striking to kill). I always take a few deep breaths. When you yell and get hyped, your brain doesn’t get as much oxygen as it would when you’re breathing properly. So deep breaths. You can even use that time to formulate a stealth retaliation. You want a clear path to revenge that will indicate utter defeat in the opposing party compounded with a perplexity as to who or what put the events into motion. The inability to credit a specific person with the blame will let the asshole know “Wow—my behavior sucks enough that it could be any number of people” and hopefully encourage the asshole to change. The anonymity is key. Here are a few ways to fuck with people boots.